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Weekend Assignment #322: Product Placement
Okay, let’s shift gears to something very commonplace. Product Placement. We all have a certain product in our lives we simply couldn’t live without. Tell us about your favorite product. How long have you used it? Why is it the best? If it were no longer on the market, what would you use instead? Give us all the details!
Extra Credit: Time to get creative. Take a photo of your favorite product!
I can bet you dollars to deutschmarks my wife will be smiling by the time she gets this far into the article. Because around my house, everyone knows who my mistress is. No it isn’t some raven haired pin-up or a video game. No, my mistress is that smiling harlot in your grocery aisle, Little Debbie.
I can’t remember when I saw the little tramp first, but I am ashamed to admit it was a family affair. Yes, I know I live down south now, but sadly, my first incestual affair was between that little plastic wrapped temptress, my father and myself. She had gotten to him first, but who could blame her? He made the money, after all. But she was willing to take pity and let me have a taste.
And she was so good, a mixture of chocolate cake and a mysterious sweet cream filling. It resembled real cream, but had probably had as much contact with real milk as my kid’s vegan friends do. But she was only a tease, and soon shuffle doff to greener pastures.
Flash forward a few years, to a time when I’m living with my dad, just me and him. Due to circumstances too bizarre to go into here, the man refused to have a phone installed in our house for two years. And I’m a reasonably fun loving young man at the time, so in order to get a hold of anyone, I have to traipse down to the corner store now to call anyone. And sometimes those calls meant it was time to go back home and face four walls alone.
But then she was there, all her goodies showing. For the right price, she’d let you take her home and have her any way you liked. She didn’t care if you didn’t drive, or how much you made. She didn’t care if the entire world made you feel like a stranger in your skin, as long as you had a quarter somewhere in your pocket.
There’s a downside to loving her. She’s bad for you. She;s not faithful, she’s slept with enitre bands, who’ve written songs to her. If I ever see Southern Culture on The Skids again, it’ll be Creme Pies at ten paces.She’s raised her rates over the years. And down here, she’s lost some of her tricks, while coming up with distasteful new ones. And where it used to be just in certain places, now the girl’s everywhere, just like that Hostess chick who took on all your friends in high school.
So you say to yourself, that’s it, I’m never going back. And you try new people, and there’s a new girl here who looks like her, and she’s even cheaper. But it’s just not the same. So some nights, when you’re feeling low, you’ll pull into a gas station, just knowing she’s there, waiting. And she’ll get into your car, and that old taste gets in your head again, and you go back. Back to when you didn’t care what your cholesterol was, or even know. For a while at least, you are that kid again, and sometimes just a moment of chocolate cake and creme can take you back to normal.
Extra Credit: Sorry I ate it before I could photgraph it.
